please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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