hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
