Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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