so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
