Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize