Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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