I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
