No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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