I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
