I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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