So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
