Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
