God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So much Jack, so little girl.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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