My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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