You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
