Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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