i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You may now shotgun with the bride
So much rum. So many feels.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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