Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
