The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
