Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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