dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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