dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
