We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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