I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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