Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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