Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
