i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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