Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
