She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
