i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
