This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
