Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
