Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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