ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
