ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize