Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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