'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
