I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
