i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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