It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
