im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
