I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
