Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
