Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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