Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
