Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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