My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
