I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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