The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
