i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
