im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So many bounce houses so little time
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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