I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
