Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i think my cat just said my name.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
