Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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