Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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