i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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