What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
