Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
