So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize