This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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