would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize