Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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