so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
