i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Even my vagina gasped.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize