Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Non-Jews are for practice
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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