First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
