Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
