You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
