you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
