i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
