chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
