Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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