Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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