Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
