Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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