i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
