when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
