1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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