That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
