Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
