Screwed.edu
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
