I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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