Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
