Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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