I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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